Mental Health

In modern times many people struggle with mental health issues - and a am by no means an exception. The main issue is, that most people just don’t talk about it and suffer alone, thinking they are alone, and everyone else is just doing fine in this hellscape of a modern society. At least that is what you see on several social media platforms like Instagram etc.

So even despite my exceptional [citation needed] successes that can be seen in my work i always struggled with issues even to the point of total breakdown. Of course i am also guilty of painting a rosy picture of me - just look at a summary of my experiences or the awesome things i did at university. If you only read that it is hard to believe that i basically had to delay my studies from 2007 to 2010 because i wasn’t even really able to leave the house.

Only thanks to the not-that-awful system in Germany and massive financial help from my parents i was even able to pursue this way.

What are my issues?

Well.. it is not completely clear, what all my issues are. Many of those are related, some are just the result of coping mechanisms of ignoring other issues.

Currently i am successfully diagnosed with

  • social anxiety
  • ADHD
  • transgenderism

and suspected of

  • autism (asperger)

All in all: when i feel well, am good rested and have nothing critical coming up i am more of what i would call a “high functioning Autist, but not THAT far on the spectrum”. But it is funny that finding out who i really am i met more people that i thought who basically had the same issue and a similar biography then me. Some of them get the autism-diagnosis first, others the ADHD one - since until some time ago those diagnosis were mutually exclusive.

That’s also why many people like me are only really diagnosed as adults, because autism hides many effects of ADHD and vice-versa - depending on which one is currently dominating. It is basically 2 modes: do everything all at once and start everything that grabs your attention - or do a deep dive into a single thing. And the exact opposite: The ADHD part being bored by the autism-project, the autism-part is completely overwhelmed by the ADHD chaos. Both then leading to exhaustion, not being able to do anything .. and basically feeling guilty for the things you did not manage to finish.

The early days